If you're like me your social media news feeds are starting to fill up with new years resolutions, and I hate them. Ok, hands up, who wants to lose weight in the new year? Yep, thought so. Stop smoking? Quite a few there too. Be more spiritual? Quite a few of you guys as well. These resolutions are all about improving your life and living the best version of yourself that you can, which is absolutely the message I send out about my tarot readings. So why do I hate new years resolutions so much?
The biggest problem I have is the timing of it all and the way it is executed. Let's take, for example, losing weight and getting healthier. You've over-indulged all over the Yuletide period and you feel rubbish, so you know you're not doing yourself any good. You vow that as of the 1st of January you will eat only healthy foods, you will maybe do a detox and you'll join a gym and go three times a week. Then January 1st rolls around and you might be hungover from New Years Eve and craving a bacon sandwich and a big bowl of pasta. You look in the fridge and find half a wheel of brie, four boxes of chocolates from relatives that don't know what to get you, and there is still a cupboard full of alcohol. You could throw it all out of course, but I absolutely hate food waste and just can't being myself to do that. So you give in to your body's hungover cravings and think "Just one bacon sarnie won't hurt; I'll make sure the rest of the day is healthy." Instead you go to the gym and sign up for a years membership, except it's really expensive and you're still paying off the credit card loaded with all those Christmas presents, so you put it off for another month (or add it to the credit card, building up more debt), and none of this is making you feel any better.
|Some of our festive food - there's two of us!|
I refuse to play this game. Instead I am now thinking about where I wan to be in twelve months time. What will my life look like? What will I look like? What will my business look like? Where will I have visited? Now I need to think about what steps I can take to get to that point. I will continue to take my own advice and set a budget for each month, including money to go into savings or paying off the credit card, and I will stick to it. That way I can figure out how much money it will take for a long weekend in San Francisco, for example, and I will either know when I can afford to go or how much I need to save to go at a certain time of year.
The same applies with spiritual matters. It can be very hard to find the time for elaborate rituals, and I rarely bother if I'm on my own. However I try to take a baby step each day to improve matters. For some of us that could be a few minutes in quiet meditation before our alter, or each night making a point of connecting with the lunar cycle. For others it could be reaching out into the wider community or learning a new skill, but rather than expecting to make big changes and sticking to them forever and ever, take your time and transition slowly into your new you.
There is a myth that habits take 21 days to be rewritten (see here for a blog by UCL on why this is a myth) but little steps are always easier to implement into your life no matter how long it takes. Consider for a moment a heroin addict. Right now there are two main courses of treatment, substitution or abstinence. The substitution method may mask the problem but doesn't really get to the root cause and therefore you are simply swapping one addiction for another without any means of changing this. Abstinence is by far the harder route, and most people fail the first few attempts, but determination and support means that many people do indeed get to the root causes and are able to get clean.
Now let's put this in my context, as you may be wondering what I'm going on about. To me, the end goal is what it is all about, but you cannot achieve that without lots of baby steps. The addict may try again and again to get clean, going in and out of rehab before addressing the real reasons why they made the behavioural choices they did and taking each day as another day that they are stronger, better, healthier. If you want to lose weight, stop smoking or be more spiritual, what obstacles are you putting in your own path? It can be very hard to find the time to focus on you and your spiritual wellbeing, though billions of people worldwide manage to do it. Rather on beating yourself up for failing, attend to the little things you already do and look at ways of adding to them. Walk a couple of blocks to work? Be mindful of all the ways nature is around you, even in a busy city. Cook a meal for your family? Stir the pot clockwise and stir love and blessings into their dinner. It is very easy to take little steps that will soon add up to a giant leap. All you have to do is want to take that first tiny step.
If you need some help figuring out the best way to start making these changes, or to identify which area of your life you need to focus on, I can work with you to plan out your year. Using my twenty years of tarot experience I can help you see exactly what is going on, how you got to this position, and most importantly what you can do to implement change. If this sounds good to you click on the link at the top of the page and it will take you to my LifeScape Radio profile page where you can learn more about what I offer and you can book a session. PLUS if you are reading this before the end of 2014 you can go to lifescaperadio.com/holiday and take advantage of my sale rate - better than half price!