Wednesday, 30 October 2013

My Spiritual Crisis

Merry meet one and all!

It has been some time since I last shared my adventure with you, and I feel you deserve an explanation.  This has been a tough year for me spiritually, and I have felt a little lost and disconnected from my spirituality recently, but I feel I am starting to find my way back again and this is why I wanted to share all this with you.

I came to The Craft back in 2001 after getting dumped a few months before my wedding.  Yep, talk about making me readdress my life.  My family were supportive (actually most of them didn't care; as long as I was happy they were happy) and I started performing small rituals and spells.  I met a new guy and he was interested but it was clear it wasn't his path.  We moved in together, and he got used to my little ways.  "Erm, there are three really shiny pennies under the door mat.  Is that you?  Yes?  Oh, ok.  Can I just cover them up?  Right.  Good."  He gave up commenting on the incense sticks in the garden :)

I never made a song-and-dance about my work, just discreetly performed my rituals and honoured the Lord and Lady in my own quiet way, and that suited me.  For me, it is better to spend 10 minutes in the garden absorbing Lady Luna's strength on a full moon and giving thanks, than it is to perform an elaborate and complex ritual.  That's just me and how I work; I'm a simple person and like to keep all things simple.

Fast forward to last year, and on Mabon we left the UK and got moved to the USA.  My husband is doing his dream job; the fact it's meaning we're living over here is just a bonus.  However I found it really hard to settle in.  England has such a long history of witchcraft I knew how I fitted in to the tradition.  I grew up with folk tales and centuries of herbal craft and traditions.  Back home we went wassailing to scare off evil spirits and ensure good harvests, and as a child I danced around the maypole at Beltane, and I understood that these traditions were older than Time itself; the need to protect the harvest and give thanks for the land's fertility, these practices are in my DNA.  Yet I've found myself in an alien land with different versions of my old traditions that have become distorted over time, or even completely lost in translation, and that took some getting used to.

It was with the move that I lost my way.  I did blog about what was going on, though I downplayed the disconnection I was feeling, but as the months went by I became less and less interested in celebrating the Sabbats.  I actually remember it getting to Imbolc and thinking "What's the point?  There are no lambs for miles and miles around, I can't even get lamb in the supermarket most of the time!" and because those were the natural signals by which I marked the turning of the wheel I lost sight of what was going on.

But no more.  Now I've been here a year I can see the signs that the wheel has turned and autumn is upon us, and it's time I got out and connected again.

So that's my story, and it was hard to admit but I feel better for doing so.  I'm inspired by some wonderful fellow pagans on Twitter who are feeling exactly as I am, and we are encouraging one another to find our path again.  I hope I can.

Blessed be )0(